we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
