he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
