Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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