I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
