Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
