just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
