There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
