I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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