her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there was a trapeze. enough said
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
