what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
