You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
