I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
