i don't like sucking hair
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize