wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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