He kissed a someone with a penis
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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