im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
