Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize