i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
