All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
