He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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