Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize