I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize