I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize