Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
