we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
