I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
