I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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