omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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