I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
