you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize