I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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