Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
