She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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