If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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