Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
