I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
