Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize