I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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