im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
