you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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