I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
