I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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