Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
