so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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