Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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