My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize