yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
