When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
