And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
