last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
