those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
