You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
