what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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