Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
