Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
ok first of all what the fuck
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
