i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
