bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
