i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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