Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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