I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
