Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize