he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
