this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
