soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
