I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
