put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You can't special order awesome
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
