So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
