Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
