do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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