her vagine was all disorganized.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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