well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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