my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
