There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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