its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
