Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
