I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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