Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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