week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
