i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I sprained my soul last night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
