But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
